Then and Now

So, I know I have showed the before and now pictures...but I think these two show a big difference. It makes me truly SEE what I have accomplished. I hear how great I look, but living it every day, I dont' see it really. So...this was a nice little comparison for me to finally agree I have done well so far.

SUCCESS!

Now I look forward to having many more "success" posts than "debcale" posts as I did last week! I worked VERY hard this week to watch what I consumed. It was HAAAAAARD to manage when my students are bringing me in 3 pounds of chocolate candies! lol, BUT...I used it. I shared it, I had the kids help me calculate the points for a serving. We even had a lesson on what a serving size is because many of them didn't know what I was talking about when I said the candy was 6 points per serving. So, we found some food labels of things they had for snack and things I had in the room for me to snack on and we figured out what a serving actually meant. They were pretty surprised to see that many of the things they had were more than 1 serving! Anyway, it was nice to be able to share that with them and have them say, "Ms. Gant that's your 3rd piece of candy!" I was like..."UGH you are right! That is 6 points then because that is a serving!" So...the candy was shared with them because I wasn't going to consume the amount of points in that box! (which was more than my ENTIRE weekly "extras")

Anyway...after getting my medication back under control..my cycle stopping..and being very diligent on my tracking this week..........SUCCESS!!!! Oh yeah baby! 5.8 pounds DOWN!! Can I hear a WOOT WOOT!! SO! let me say this...I have NEVER been lower than I am today since I have been on this journey with Weight Watchers. A total of 40.2 pounds is all the lower I have EVER gotten. So...this week....I have a MAJOR goal. I dont' care if I only lose .6...but I want to lose. I am GOING to lose. I NEED to lose. I need to see myself get past this hurdle!!

Addicted....

to emotional eating!

WOW...let me tell you, it is amazing how much I am seeing this more and more. I have never doubted it, but I don't think I have ever paid close enough attention to it before. Sunday started out great and the eating was fine. I was right on track and I was feeling good. Then, the afternoon kinda went to hell and once my stomach wasn't queasy anymore...I ate the last 2 snowman cookies Trinity and I made, I opened up the pretzels and started in on those. Then we went to Josie's and I ate 4 more snowman cookies! (Sorry Josie!) THEN, I had dinner, which was healthy but then I had seconds....and hold on....THEN I HAD ANOTHER COOKIE! Honestly, if I had been alone I would have continued to eat. I know that. When I got home, I DID go to my fridge to eat something. But, instead...I did something just as bad...I went to have a cigarette with my neighbor! Yep! So, when I couldnt' find the food I wanted I went to the nicotine that I gave up for good 2 years ago! Seriously! It wasn't until after I was able to come to some resolution with what happened Sunday afternoon that I was able to look back at all I ate. It was like I didn't even see it...yet I KNEW I was doing it. It was very strange and hard to understand. I definitely have to get behind this one...cause this will be the make or break of my weight loss journey. Not just now...but for life.

Weigh in Debacle

So...seriously...having your cycle when you are supposed to weigh in is hard enough! Ugh! Who knew you could retain that much water!? However, of course, I then don't take my blood pressure medication for 2 days either...and sure enough there is a diuretic in that. So, that is 2 strikes against me! Yeah well it showed on the scale....UGH.

Weigh in Wednesday Wisdom

Here is what I have learned today:

1. don't forget to eat breakfast or you will eat chicken strips from 7-11 and tell yourself at least it is protein!
2. forgetting your lunch at home and hoping that you could get away with eating in the school cafeteria is pointless; its better to be hungry.
3. walking is difficult after the Tuesday night BodyVibe class...but I loved it.
4. going to bed early is helpful in getting through the day.
5. getting dressed is a tedious task.
6. being bloated is going to affect weigh in tonight.
7. working out, cardio, the day of weigh in might be the only way I am going to lose this week.
8. being bloated, having sore muscles and being hungry makes me very cranky.

Let's hope my update at the end of the night will have a few more positive things to add!

OMG

So, last night, I was hanging out with one of my best friends, and she said..."I found the picture you need for your blog Jen." So, off to Facebook she goes to find it...and OMG is all I could say. I was at her son's birthday party ....OMG I now see why I never wanted to be in pictures. Here was my heaviest.

I look forward to the day this can be my "before" and I can look at it and hardly recognize myself. I WILL get there.

RANTING!

Okay...so here is my latest weight loss gripe...well maybe not a weight loss thing really...but just a gripe about being ANY size really, just just overweight.

It's about SIZES of clothes. WTH? I mean seriuosly...why can't there be a universal type sizing system so that I truly know what size in everything I need? Since I have already put my weight up there for the world to see...what the heck...big deal about the size. So...at my heaviest I was in a lot of 26-28 clothes. EEEEEK! There were a scattering of 24's in there that still worked. Now that I have lost almost 40 pounds I have been hovering around a 22/20 depending on the pants. Tops is a different story all together...those used to be 3 or 4X most of the time for me to feel comfortable...not 1 or 2X is fine. Yet...really....again they are never the same. I HAVE to try something on in order to know for sure. I bought size 20 jeans only because I needed a few more pairs and I would be in them soon. Then I happen to find a pair of khaki's (that I have on today in fact) that are also 20's from the SAME MAKER as the jeans mind you. Guess what...one fits beautifully and comfortably and one I can't even button! WTH? I mean COME ON. I already have a complex about the fact that I am wearing clothes this high...and now you are messing with my head even more to make me GUESS what size I am supposed to be in. UGH! It is making my life extremely difficult when it comes to getting dressed in the morning. I think I have it all figured out and then I go to put on a pair of something and NOPE those are the 20's that DON'T fit. *sigh* It is beyond irritating!

Not to mention it is crappy enough that I have to go to the "plus size" section for things. Is that supposed to be a nice way to say I'm fat? Is that a gentler way of pointing out all MY clothes have a 2 in the tens place? Then I LOVE to see a "plus size" model...that is wearing a freakin 14! GIVE ME A BREAK! That is average these days! In my opinion...any size that I can buy in a "normal" store should not be considered "plus size!"

Okay...I think I feel better.

Breakfast of Champions

So...today apparently the best thing for me to eat for breakfast was 2 squares of Godiva chocolate and drinking milk, FAT FREE however, directly from the carton. SERIOUSLY? *sigh* It wasn't that I didn't want to eat something decent. I simply didn't want to have to make it. The chocolate was handy and done, no effort was required.

I get pretty proud of myself at times when I am looking at the things I have on my plate or in my lunch box at work and I see healthy things. There might be a small piece of chocolate but it is simply to give my mouth the little taste of it. Yet, then there are times when I am simply a dork. I do exactly the things I would have done before. Okay, well, let me be honest, before I would have eaten the WHOLE bar of Godiva chocolate and not just 2 squares..but still! I just dont' understand how I can make the right choices so many of the times, yet when I am in a less structured enviorment, my house on the weekend with only Trin around, I pretend I am not seeing what I am doing to myself. Then I sit and wonder why I have been yo-yoing at the same weight loss for months! SHEESH.....

Okay....here is to a new start. New day...I am going to pre-plan out my day. I do it during the week, let me try it on the weekend too and pray that it all works out.

Weigh in Wednesday

DOWN 2.6!! Exactly what I needed.

Today was a rough day in a lot of ways...so I'm glad that I had a successful weigh in. I was VERY frustrated today...emotional eating and retail therapy started to come into play. It was NOT a good thing. Thankfully I only ate what I had already pre-planned and I luckily emptied out my cart on Amazon and didn't buy anything.

My frustration is still there...and I am home wanting to eat, eat, eat. Not because I am hungry but because I can and I want to. :( Ugh...does a person ever get a handle on such things?

I might need to put a lock or alarm on the fridge. :( This is gonna be a tough night.

Queen of...

EXCUSES!
How do I get past that? Today I just had an all around crappy day with my students. They wouldn't listen and I wasn't in the mood to deal with it. I have a horrible headache and I really wasn't in the place to deal with their complete annoyance.
I did really good this morning, because I pre-planned what I was going to eat. I wrote it all down and had it in there so I wasn't going to change off the course. Yet, of COURSE...Trinity wanted "chicken and rice." AKA...CHINESE! OMG one of my favorites. Yet, I HATE "wasting" my points on it because it is so high and I am hungry too fast afterwards. Subway was RIGHT next to it...why couldn't I have just gotten hers and then gone to Subway? I mean I have done it before...so are you ready for my excuse? It's great let me tell ya.....
So I rationalize getting mandarian chicken and rice by thinking, "well, she isn't goin to eat it all anyway and I will still end up having some, so I might as well get my own." Come on..even I know that is a lame ass excuse. Yet...I did it! I dropped 22 points on something that is going to have me hungry as hell in an hour. UGH! Oh...and then...I didn't go to the gym! Why? Well because I said it was too late, Trinity was tired and we just ate. Not a good idea to work out on a full stomach. Okay, maybe so, but good gracious!

So, we get home and wouldnt' you know it...I'M HUNGRY! UGH UGH UGH...so what do I do? I find my Beachbody video which has a 10 minute workout that I know puts me at a high intensity right away. I did 20 minutes simply so I could eat something! What the heck? Sabotage? Stupidity? Or attempting to conteract my hunger? *sigh* Will I ever get this straight?

The Cybex Elliptical: My archnemesis

So, despite my complete disgust with having to work out. I did it. In 15 minutes I went 5.14 miles on the stationary bike. It was low impact but it was my warm up so I could get my heart up a little bit. I felt fine after that, thus thinking that I probably shouldn't been such of a putz and should have increased the intensity. However, today wasn't the day! :)



Then it was on to the cybex elliptical machine. This was an interesting machine, not quite the elliptical I have known in the past and not a stair stepper, but something inbetween. Anyway, let me just tell you, even on the lowest intensity and lowest incline that was longest 20 minutes of my life! OMG...I hated it! Not sure it was the best for "fat burn" because my heart rate shot up to 150 way too fast and that is way over my target range. Yet, when you are 261 and doing crap to your body that it hasn't done in years, ugh, or decade maybe, what can I expect!
(My new least favorite thing!)


I think the cybex elliptical might be something that I can work towards. Cause really...that was NOT enjoyable. lol...but I made it through, despite my constant internal cursing. So, as my Weight Watchers leader, Ann, always says, "Can you do it another week?" I'll simply answer, I know I can do it one more day. I will re-evaluate after tomorrow's session! :D

***** 4 hours later....I finally calculated my activity points (basically the ability to EAT MORE FOOD!) I gained 8 more points! 8 MORE! Thats like a breakfast! hmmm maybe this excercise won't be so bad if I get to eat more! :D *****

Pictures = 300 pounds

Yep, so here I was...300 pounds. Okay so not quite, but that number scares me too much, so I'm gonna keep saying 300 so I never go back there!

Yet another of my lovely quadruple chin and chipmunk cheeks.
28 pounds down in July.

About 32 pounds down.
35 pounds down.

This is pretty much where I am at now -- stuck between a Krispy Kreme donut and baby carrots.

No Fear

That's right...I am NOT going to be afraid of that damned number anymore! So here is the beginning:

April 7, 2010 I decided enough was enough and I joined Weight Watchers. I weighed in at a staggering 297 pounds! I literally cried all the way home. I hadn't been that large since I was pregnant with my daughter...and this time I had no excuse except FOOD and lack of self control!

Basically, it was relatively easy to lose the weight...I mean when you are almost 300 pounds if you simply start paying attention to the crap you are putting in your mouth you lose weight! I am not gonna lie..I did NOTHING to lose the weight, EXCEPT my portions and what I ate. So, I quickly made my first 5 pounds, then my 10% WW goal, hit my 25 pound mark, and even my 30 pound mark! I was ESTATIC because for the most part it was really a breeze.

Then....September 22, 2010 hit.
I was FINALLY 260 pounds. I was SO damn happy it was crazy! However, since then I have been up/down/twisted around! As you can see my CURRENT weight is 261. Nope, I didn't stop doing Weight Watchers. I didn't start cheating. I didn't start going over my points. I didn't increase my portions. I didn't start eating fast food. I simply got stuck.

Then one day like a slap upside the head, I ran headlong into the realization that DUH my body was rebelling. It was telling me, "Okay Jen, we GET the portions thing, we have been eating vegetables, we have been doing everything you asked. Now it's your turn to listen. You aren't going ANYWHERE unless you start to excercise." My reaction? OH DAMN. *sigh* I HATE to excercise, hate, loathe, despise, dislike, abhore, resent, and any other synonym you can think of, excercise!

However...I joined a gym and started. Yep, I did it. This blog is going to be my personal reminder that I WILL go to the gym. I WILL be posting my weight here every week. I WILL be posting pictures of me at my lovely 300 and even today. I WILL make this change in my life. I WILL make this my lifestyle and someday I hope to I WILL love excercise. (Okay, how about just tolerate!)

Thanks for joining in the journey with me.
*Pictures are coming, amazingly enough, it's hard to find pictures of me at 300 pounds! gee I wonder why I didn't want to be in front of the camera!*