Thursday, April 14, 2011

Under control

I have got to get things under control.  There was just way too much emtional stuff that I let get to me this week.  It was all out of my control, yet I was doing all I could to TRY to control it.  Yet, what it did was leave me stressed and not making good choices.  I know I didn't do the best.  Can I find some successes?  Yes, I tracked all week...I counted every point I put into my mouth...even the 4 pieces of Dominos pizza!  :(  Yet, my biggest setback....activity.
I am not sure what it is going to take for me to realize I have GOT to get moving.  I am going to end up right where I left off before.  Stuck, upset and frustrated...and quitting.  I have even tried challenging my students to run with me in a 5K at the end of the month....have I done ANY training?  HELL NO.  I'm gonna die.  *sigh*  What is wrong with me?  Why can't I get this together? 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Another successful week.

Oh how I WISH this is the weight that was showing last night on my scale at Weight Watchers.  That is a dream world right there, probably not one that I really want to be in either.  Not sure I am cut out to be 135 pounds!  lol....BUT...the scale was DOWN last night.  So, for that alone I am happy.  I am working on taking off the extra 8 pounds I put on when I stopped.  I want to keep the momentum going to push through the hump that I kept hitting when I gave up. 

I am happy with my progress to date...but want more.  I have found a happy balance in my eating right now so that helps.  I just realized I don't need to eat "breakfast foods" for breakfast!  They don't tend to fill me up enough to get through my day without cravings.  I eat snacks but it simply makes me want more.  So, instead I am eating a higher protein breakfast.  It tends to keep me much more satisfied and I am able to make it until my lunch time.'s to another loss...time to focus on this week.  YIPPEE!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

UGH what a struggle!

This week has NOT been good choices wise for me.  I have used almost all my weeky points which is something I have never done.  I haven't really truly "worked out" in the traditional sense.  Yes, I got activity but it was unconventional and not sure it did the job it should have.  I'm feeling a little apprehensive about tomorrow's weigh in.  I want to do it surprisingly, but I am nervous.

Friday, April 1, 2011

OMG POINT OVERLOAD TOTALLY did horrible yesterday!  By 4:00 yesterday afternoon I had already used 5 of my weekly points....Then because I didn't care...we ordered pizza and I ended up eating 17 points extra yesterday!  Honestly, I felt sick afterwards and really down.  I couldn't figure it out.  My man was like..."What's wrong?"  I didn't really have an answer for him.  I honestly think I was disappointed in myself for not even attempting to stay in my points yesterday. 

However, I promised myself I was going to look at the bright side of least I tracked it all and at least I did it on Thursday (day after weigh in) so I have the rest of the week to stay on track.'s to today...I will make it today!  (I have to...cause I still feel icky from yesterday. :( )

Thursday, March 31, 2011

First week over!

So, I was very happy going into my meeting last night.  I had met my goals of tracking every day, increasing my water intake and staying within my points.  I knew I hadn't met my activity goal, but 75% made me happy considering when I gave up 2 months ago, I couldn't have said I met any.  So...drum roll please...........................................................DOWN 2.2!!!  Yep, that's right...I was successful.  I was happy with my weight loss and pleased that I KNEW I had done the things I needed to do this week. is the start of a new week.
This weeks goals are:
Maintain the goals from last week of water intake, tracking, and within my points. 
ACTIVITY!  I have a challenge that I placed in front of my students to RUN a 5K on April I have GOT to get moving on my activity.  So, this week I am focusing on that...activity activity activity!  Here's to excercise!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Repeat of week 1 almost done!

So far my goals have been all ok EXCEPT the working out one.  :(  I have yet to do anything about that.  NOT GOOD! 
However, my soda intake is cut WAY water intake is WAY up...I've tracked EVERY day so far...and I'm stayin in my points.  So...I'll take it...tomorrow night 6 I come!!!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Reaching my Goals today I came back to read my blog to see I let you all in on my goals on Thursday...let's see how I'm doing on them.
Here is what they were:
Goals for this week:
Stay within my points daily -- not sure this has been accomplished as I have went into my weekly points the last 2 days.  :( is what it is...I have used some of my weekly points, but that is what they are there for right? 
Do something active both days this weekend (trying to be realistic on what I WILL do.) -- um...yeah so the extent of anything "active" I did today was walk around Michael's.  I simply enjoyed my quiet day today and never got myself around to anything least not yet.  However, there is still I will have to do it tomorrow because I'll take 50% lol...well at least it will make me feel less guilty!
Cut back on all the soda and juice...switch back to my water -- This one I have to say I have been VERY good at!  On Thursday I had a bottle of Dr. Pepper, but then on Friday I only had a can and today...........wait for it...wait for it.....NO SODA AT ALL!!!  No juice no koolaid...YEAH!  I've had a nice glass of cold milk with lunch and have had ice water the rest of the day!
Track daily!!!!!!!! -- I struggle with tracking my food because I want to pretend if I don't write it, I didn't eat it!  HEHE!  yet...I have written it down EVERY day so far...and yes even all the extra points I have eaten.  So...I have 30 of my weekly points left.  Not great at all, but at least there are still some there.  I will just have to up things so I can make it work out. 

The last thing that I'd like to share that...although I went over my points today (by 1) I did a great job of staying out of the kitchen for snacks.  I know it might not seem that way when I say I went over my points, yet I really did!  Snack wise today, I simply a WW 2 point bar and some Starburst Jelly Beans that I measured out with a measuring cup!  lol...BUT I tracked it! Thanks to my new love for crocheting for keeping me out of the refrigerator!  I think having my hands busy doin something productive took away 2 cravings...the one to eat and the one to smoke!  I wasn't bored I guess, so thus, I didn't need to fill myself up with anything.  Thank you small victories!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

5K run/walk Fundraiser

So...I have decided I am going to train to RUN the 5K my school has going on April 30th.  I think I'm crazy...but I want to try.  I have NEVER been a runner...yet, it's a challenge I have never attempted.  One that I want to take I am going to do it. 
I would LOVE others to join me!  It is for a great cause at my school through the PE department to be able to purchast heart rate monitors for the students to help them find out what excercise and intensity level is best for each of them.  Start to promote healthy living early so my students don't feel like I do years from now!  So...anyone wanna join me???  You can find the forms to register at Clearview's 5K Run/Walk
Please come out and join me...bring your kids, make a fun family health day!  If the forms are not yet loaded on the site me and I will send them to you...I have electronic copies! 

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Back on the Wagon

So...I did it.  I went it and took the plunge on the scale last night.  I was TERRIFIED.  I was certain I'd gained like 15-20 pounds.  I am not sure that is realistic...but that is the way I felt.  Yet, I was pleasently surprised to see it was only a gain of 8.4!  Now...not perfect because it would have been better to not have had that issue at all...but dang...2 months of NOT following the program and it was only 8 pounds.  I'll take it. now comes the hard part...sticking to it.  Letting myself FORGET about the numbers on the scale.  That is NOOOOOOOOOOT easy for me.  It is like those numbers become a tattoo I etch onto my forehead every week when I get there.  I have to transform my thinking and use it as a tool to guide the next week I am going to start.  I dont' want to throw it all away like last time if I get stuck.  However, I am determined to NOT get stuck.  I WILL make this happen. 

I sit and read the Caring Bridge site of an old friend as she documents the struggles and triumphs of her little girl...shewas born MUCH to early but fights every day to just put on a few ounces.  Then I sit and complain and give up because I've gained a few ounces?  Or I can't take a few off?  Not gonna happen.  When this little 3 pound darling is fighting hourly just to remember to breathe and keep her temperature stable....what I am dealing with is nothing. and me gain it and do what you gotta do...and I'll lose it and do what I gotta do. 

Goals for this week:
Stay within my points daily
Do something active both days this weekend (trying to be realistic on what I WILL do.)
Cut back on all the soda and juice...switch back to my water
Track daily!!!!!!!!

4 things that I should be able to accomplish.  We shall see how things pan out.  I will be documenting more as things go along because it keeps me honest!  lol...Thanks for all the support...gonna make it COMPLETELY happen this time!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Gave Up

Yep...that's right. The number on the stupid scale just got stuck....and because of that...I gave up. I didn't give up on Weight Watchers...I gave up on the one thing I have given up on all my life. Me.

I didn't feel strong enough to battle through the disappointment of not making any progress. I stopped seeing where my clothes were feeling better on me as an accomplishment...I simply was dejected because the number on the scale was pissing me off. up made sense at that point. Financially I was a little strapped as well, so it was an "easy" solution. It, (WW) wasn't working anymore who cares...that is a 40 dollar monthly expense I could eliminate.

It worked...for a little while. Okay, so only like a week. day there I was in 7-11 before going to work looking at the things I have on the counter ready to buy. Large coffee with LOTS of cream, a regular Dr. Pepper, 2 small bags of salted peanuts, a 3 pack of chocolate chunk cookies and a bag of Cheetos! WTH? That was my diet of choice BEFORE my WW lifestyle. I almost cried when I realized what I was doing. Yet, it didn't stop me, cause I paid for it, walked out of the store and ate every last bite of those things during the day. I was falling back into my old ways because it was easy and it made me feel better....or so I thought.

I told myself I was still doing alright because I was eatin veggies almost every night at dinner and my meal choices were still doing alright. Until I'd go out...and then suddenly things weren't lookin so great again. But, again...I still didn't do anything to change it. I would make it look alright on the outside to everyone else, but I was actually pretty ashamed of myself for the way things were turning out.

As I was watching these things change I became more and more frustrated and stressed. When I am stressed...I smoke. So, sure enough...I bought a pack of cigarettes and the next thing I know...I'm smokin again. I look forward to them to unwind at the end of the day and just to get through things that upset me. Thus...I was smoking a lot...AND completely food medicating as well. Yet, the NEED for the "medication" is all because I gave up on myself...again.

Well, not anymore damn it! It is time for me to remember why I started WW in the first place. BECAUSE I DESERVED TO BE AS HAPPY AND HEALTHY AS I WANTED. I didn't start for anyone but me...and yet it was me that gave up again. Not anymore. In two days, I am goin to walk into my Weight Watchers meeting to see my Wednesday night family and start my journey again. I am not going to let this beat me...not this time.

I will be back on Wednesday night to let you know what the damage has been in this time away from Weight Watchers. However, at least it will be a start to the next step. So, my first challenge...go and weigh in again on Wednesday and then come back and post it for all to see. I WILL make it work...because I am in control....I hope.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Puking + IV Fluids = small weight loss

So...I'm not gonna lie. I was expecting(hoping) for a significant weight loss tonight. I mean I was puking my guts out from a lovely stomach bug for over 12 hours. I wasn't able to keep anything in me, not even much so that I had to go to the hospital and get IV yeah...I was expecting a little more than only 1 pound lost! UGH!!! But...then I stopped before I got upset (for a change) lol and I thought about it for a minute. Having been as sick as I was and unable to eat anything since Sunday night, (It's Wednesday now FYI) and also not being able to do anything but sleep...I guess that doesn't really equal a balanced diet to have a ton of weightloss. Now mind you, dang cycle came during all of this as, could be a variety of reasons. I would have LOVED to pop past this lovely plateau, luck.........THIS WEEK! Here I come January 19!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011


Well, as you can tell, I haven't blogged in a couple weeks. Reasons??
So, now here is why I have felt all these things.
Embarassed = Because 2 weeks in a row I gained weight.
Frustration = Because I am stuck at this same weight and can't push past it.
Anger = Because I felt like I did everything right week one and sucked week two.
Laziness = Because upon lots of reflection at my two weeks, I just didn't want to face the issues I knew were really there.
Peaceful = I realized I had not been nearly as good as I thought.

So, my reflection goes as this....
Yes, I did gain weight week one. Yes, I thought I did everything right, but upon really looking at my schedule...I only went to the gym once! I ate everything correctly, except that one chocolate chip cookie, but I "counted" the points. I ate fruits and veggies like I should, but I didn't track my food. I am doing all the "right" things but only on my terms. It doesn't work that way. Yes, eventually, I should be able to do that, however right now until I continue to make progress I need to do everything, not just what I feel like doing.
Okay, now week two. As much as I was determined to do better, stay on track, write things down and go to the gym...I didn't! I used every excuse to make sure that I didn't have to. Yet, I knew I should be and I didn't. So, gaining weight this week didn't surprise me, yet I was angry. WHY? Cause I KNEW I had done that one to myself. It was all about me at that point and I couldn't blame it on anyone but my laziness to follow the program because I was certain I knew better.
Well, check out my weight off to the left. Apparently, I DON'T know better. I know how to eat better, I know I need to excercise, but I need to track my food. I pretend I didnt' eat it, even though I knew I did. I eat just cause I can...and I have to find another way to direct my "hunger." I'm still working on that one. lol...but no one said it was going to be easy, and I didn't get this size by eating too many carrots thats for sure. So, it is a new week. I will make this work for me. Weight Watchers is a program that has been successful for me. It has taught me how to retrain my body and mind on what is good to put in it. is a process I am not giving up on, mainly because I am worth this process.