Yep...that's right. The number on the stupid scale just got stuck....and because of that...I gave up. I didn't give up on Weight Watchers...I gave up on the one thing I have given up on all my life. Me.
I didn't feel strong enough to battle through the disappointment of not making any progress. I stopped seeing where my clothes were feeling better on me as an accomplishment...I simply was dejected because the number on the scale was pissing me off.
So...giving up made sense at that point. Financially I was a little strapped as well, so it was an "easy" solution. It, (WW) wasn't working anymore anyway...so who cares...that is a 40 dollar monthly expense I could eliminate.
It worked...for a little while. Okay, so only like a week. Then...one day there I was in 7-11 before going to work looking at the things I have on the counter ready to buy. Large coffee with LOTS of cream, a regular Dr. Pepper, 2 small bags of salted peanuts, a 3 pack of chocolate chunk cookies and a bag of Cheetos! WTH? That was my diet of choice BEFORE my WW lifestyle. I almost cried when I realized what I was doing. Yet, it didn't stop me, cause I paid for it, walked out of the store and ate every last bite of those things during the day. I was falling back into my old ways because it was easy and it made me feel better....or so I thought.
I told myself I was still doing alright because I was eatin veggies almost every night at dinner and my meal choices were still doing alright. Until I'd go out...and then suddenly things weren't lookin so great again. But, again...I still didn't do anything to change it. I would make it look alright on the outside to everyone else, but I was actually pretty ashamed of myself for the way things were turning out.
As I was watching these things change I became more and more frustrated and stressed. When I am stressed...I smoke. So, sure enough...I bought a pack of cigarettes and the next thing I know...I'm smokin again. I look forward to them to unwind at the end of the day and just to get through things that upset me. Thus...I was smoking a lot...AND completely food medicating as well. Yet, the NEED for the "medication" is all because I gave up on myself...again.
Well, not anymore damn it! It is time for me to remember why I started WW in the first place. BECAUSE I DESERVED TO BE AS HAPPY AND HEALTHY AS I WANTED. I didn't start for anyone but me...and yet it was me that gave up again. Not anymore. In two days, I am goin to walk into my Weight Watchers meeting to see my Wednesday night family and start my journey again. I am not going to let this beat me...not this time.
I will be back on Wednesday night to let you know what the damage has been in this time away from Weight Watchers. However, at least it will be a start to the next step. So, my first challenge...go and weigh in again on Wednesday and then come back and post it for all to see. I WILL make it work...because I am in control....I hope.
Jen, I got all teary reading this. Please ask whenever you need help. I miss our weekly checkins and I know you can do this. There's always ups and downs in the journey...and we have to both remember this isn't a quick fix. We are changing our lives!!!
ReplyDeleteJen do not give up on yourself, you can do it!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou WILL do it. You WILL do it! WTG, Jen!!
ReplyDelete~Amy :)
You CAN do this Jen!! We all believe in you and want you to do it knowing you WILL SUCCEED! Good luck!! MaryBeth
ReplyDeleteJen, I totally believe in you and know you can do this!!....love, Suzanne
ReplyDeleteDear Jen,
ReplyDeleteLet start of with I LOVE you bunches!! You are one of the strongest people I know. You can do it! Just remember the weight did not show up over night so it won't come off that way. You are a great person on the inside and outside already to me (and MANY others); if you will feel better about yourself if the outside changes just know that TONS of people love you now and will support you in anything you take on.
Best of luck Sweetie!
Your cousin,
Heidi
First of all, the pic of you on here is gorgeous! It's the networking and communicating about it that can push us to accomplish goals like this. I wish I had half your motivation! You can do it, cuz!
ReplyDeleteJen, I am so proud of you!!! You can do this. Do not let anything cause you to give up on yourself. You do deserve to be happy and HEALTHY! Keep strong and positive and focus on what it is you are working towards. There will be ups and downs but don't get discouraged. Keep pushing forward. If you have reached a plateau in your weight, you may need to mix things up a little to keep on losing weight. I am excited to see your progress.
ReplyDeleteWay to go Sis, get back on the happy and healthy train. You know you will feel better and when things get hard, fight back even harder!
ReplyDeleteWow everyone...This really brought tears to my eyes. I didn't expect such encouragement. Not sure why..beacuse I do have amazing friends and family but it was just what I needed to hear. Thanks everyone! I am gonna make it!
ReplyDelete